Kurt Trundlebury* has a plan. His plan is to behave so badly that he will be transferred to another school, where he believes the teachers aren't as strict and he'll be able to do as he pleases. His plan, however, is flawed. However much the Mail wants people to believe that schools are throwing children out of schools willy nilly, it's actually very difficult to be excluded permanently. In fact, it almost never happens. The most that happens is that you get yourself involved in a "Managed Move" where a school donates one of its naughty children to another school in exchange for one of their naughty children in an attempt to give said naughty children a "Fresh Start".
Kurt's already on Stage 4 of the Pastoral Care system. When he gets to Stage 5, he'll be up before the Governors. They'll get him to admit that he's not a really naughty boy, that he doesn't really want to get thrown out and that he'll try really hard if they give him a chance and that he's sorry he was such a little git.
Then he'll go back to his classes, and be back on report Stage 1 within a few days and so the process will begin again. He'll probably go before the Governors about 6 times after having gone through the Pastoral Care system time and time again before everyone finally admits that maybe a "Managed Move" would be a good idea.
I'd like to manage his move. I'd send him to a magical school, at the top of the tallest tree in the forest, where you have to climb a ladder through the clouds to get there. The School only lands at the top of this magical tree every once in a while and once you're there, you can't run away from it and you can't get away with not doing the impossible work set by its Governor-Teacher. When I was little, I was terrified of ending up at Dame Slap's School for Naughty Children.
I'm willing to bet, though, that Kurt has never had a book read to him in his life, let alone read a whole book himself, so I doubt he has even heard of the Faraway Tree, or Jo, Bessie and Fanny. And even if he had, he probably wouldn't get past page one on which the legendary name "Fanny" is used with gay abandon. Although, actually, I think these days, it's been changed to something fatuous, like Kelsey.
No. Kurt is stuck here for the time being, and although I would love to see Dame Slap get her hands on him, sadly, I'm just going to have to watch him go through the motions of trying to get thrown out.
*not his real name
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